It’s January and as I reflect on 2016, I realize that I spent the majority of the year FAH-REAKING OUT. Mondays became Mourndays. It was rough. It was ugly. It was a lot of tears. (Okay, when I say majority of the year… I mean from August onward).
Here’s what happened: my personal career and insecurity in not being able to contribute something to the world got wayyy in the way.
- God’s gift. Somehow in the middle of my senior year of college and my husband’s Master’s programs…. a little contraption showed a plus sign on its screen and we have a little boy coming our way in May. We’re naming him “God’s gift” (Theodore), because that’s what he is. You see, my little gift has humbled me… to the point of happy tears welling in my eyes at this moment. Every time he moves and kicks, I become ever more convinced that this little boy has an enormous destiny. While I may be unsure of my “next steps” as Anna, I am confident in my steps toward holding this little one and loving him with all the love the Lord gives me to give. I pray it’s an outrageous amount. Like an embarrassing amount.
- Mourndays. It was something about my Mourndays (not quite sure what, ha) that got my husband thinking I would rather him deviate from his calling in completing his degrees and our two years living overseas for his practicum. But, today I am rooted in confidence in Danny- He studies hard, thoroughly absorbs what he learns & loves me selflessly through it all. I can answer “I have absolutely no freaking clue!” whenever I’m asked what my plans are after graduation purely and excitedly because I know that when Danny does collect his diploma, it will be the best day… a day signifying that God’s grace sustained him to carry on throughout the many days I wanted him to throw in the towel and find a “career.” Silly woman. We are going to live a life of ministering to people on behalf of Jesus and he will provide the means for our survival. Duh. (I wonder if Danny would be embarrassed if Theo and I walked up there with him?????)
- Friendship. Obviously, I was wrapped up in a bit of a selfish frenzy for about 6 months which gets quite straining on relationship, if you can believe it. I focused on making new friends in all the new places I was occupying, but with that I let my fox hole friends fall through the cracks. No bueno. I need them and they need me… why would I mess up something good just to have something new?
- Goals. My focuses for 2017 mostly include zero busyness (I’m so over it) and one hundred percent rootedness. When I get busy, I tend to focus on fruits (seeing the byproduct of my frenzied activities) and ignore my roots… But, that’s a backwards mentality. With my focus being directed toward roots in the Word, roots in marriage, roots in friendship and roots in family, I can see the byproduct of my life being something worth living for… So, that’s my focus for this year.
Don’t worry, dear little blog, you will receive much more attention this year than last. I pinky promise.